Thank you for sharing this. And so wittily/, cleverly. My thoughts are with yours, you can’t change something that isn’t named. That isn’t talked about. For centuries women have suffered in silence about menopause. And periods. And all sorts of health conditions that men don’t have so therefore aren’t researched as well or given enough care and attention. There is a point about reinforcing stereotypes to be aware of I think, but that’s different. That’s accepting the status quo. And you weren’t doing that, you were being honest. I imagine the friend might have felt a bit defensive coz she herself has felt that challenge. But the way she communicated that was insensitive. I know that feeling of shame, it’s not nice. Don’t let it stop you.
For me the more open we are that this is happening, the more women start asking questions and demanding help. Much easier when you’re not alone. The better work places will get at supporting women 🤞. The more the world will benefit from older women not being forced to check out. And then, then the tide turns.
Sorry long response here. Feel passionate about this too x
Thanks for the thoughtful comment, I really appreciate the encouragement. And it also made me reflect on the battles that women who are maybe in the generation above me, or older, have fought in the workplace to get recognised, and how showing a particularly female vulnerability sits uneasily with them because they were in the vanguard without this upswell of openness that we are only just starting to see. Food for thought!
For what it is worth, I wanted to share my experiences with bioidentical hormone replacement therapy! I am in perimenopause too, and I think have been for some time! The medication that I am on for my mental health actually lowers my hormone levels as part of its effect, so in consultation with my amazing family doctor, I decided to go on a relatively low dose of bioidentical estrogen and progesterone! Let me tell you, it has transformed my life for the better! I went from walking up at night 3-4 times a night to sleeping through the night again! My anxiety and depression magically lifted. I feel like my brain is firing on all cylinders again! My joint pain went away, as did my itchy ears! I finally have some libido back after being essentially asexual for years! I feel reborn! I would highly recommend it to you! The book “Estrogen Matters” by two doctors, is very worth reading if you still have fears about hormone replacement therapy, as is the book called “The New Menopause”! Best wishes to you on navigating this transition! 😍😊💕👏🌈
I totally agree with you on all this and will definitely look up the book you mention. I’ve also been on bio-identical HRT for about 18 months now but on the appropriately high dose only since the summer - things are slowly improving and so grateful that my sleep has come back. Hopefully it’s now onwards and up-and-downwards, rather than just downwards!
Indeed they are!!! As estrogen declines, it makes our tissues less supple and “juicy”, and that includes our ears, so the result is itchy ears! Mine have finally gone away! I am so grateful!!! Best wishes to you! 😊🙏❤️🌈
I can't help but think that menopausal women in the workforce are treated the same way as other sectors of the population we're uncomfortable with. Companies do the politically correct thing; management says they don't discriminate against seniors, people with mental health problems, gender-fluid people, etc. Many of them do, though, don't they, in subtle, little ways? Maybe they should add menopausal women to that list? Menopause is a natural stage of life for women and society needs to do a better job at understanding this.
Absolutely. It's probably not a coincidence that the senior tier at most workplaces is still male - even if we didn't consider other diversities, just the fact that many women are hit by a massive confidence deficit just when they're peaking in terms of their subject matter expertise, people skills and organisational knowledge disadvantages their prospects.
Thank you so much for writing about this. I feel like I have peri/menopause on my brain most hours of the day, especially when I feel controlled by the hot flashes and sudden mood shifts.
Thanks for your comment and I'm so sorry you're in this crappy club too. Hopefully we can change something, however small, even for ourselves, by at least talking about it.
Perimenopausal women here. I really resonate with what you say about confidence. I act as though I've never had confidence now. It's very strange. It seemed to descend out of nowhere.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way too - at least we’re not alone 🫶🏻 But yeah, I think of my younger self who was very anxious but also sort of fearless despite it, and wonder if that part of me will ever come back.
Thank you so much for sharing this. There is so much comfort in the sharing (imo). This time of life is… well, let’s say my experience is a lot like yours. I’m still trying to find me again. There are glimpses. I’m also especially appreciating the company of my fellow midlife women, who are in the trenches, at the gym, and at work trying to be better through all of this.
Thank you for your kind comment and fellow feeling - really agree with the point of sharing. We’ll find our way back to ourselves but we can’t do it alone.
That colleague is being a little weird I think. I don’t have the same perimenopause symptoms as most of my friends (we’re all in the age bracket) but it never occurred to me they shouldn’t be complaining because that would….. reflect on me somehow?? What a weird idea. I find talking about things is extremely healing, stabilizing and normalizing, and the more things bother me the more I talk about them.
Thank you for sharing this. And so wittily/, cleverly. My thoughts are with yours, you can’t change something that isn’t named. That isn’t talked about. For centuries women have suffered in silence about menopause. And periods. And all sorts of health conditions that men don’t have so therefore aren’t researched as well or given enough care and attention. There is a point about reinforcing stereotypes to be aware of I think, but that’s different. That’s accepting the status quo. And you weren’t doing that, you were being honest. I imagine the friend might have felt a bit defensive coz she herself has felt that challenge. But the way she communicated that was insensitive. I know that feeling of shame, it’s not nice. Don’t let it stop you.
For me the more open we are that this is happening, the more women start asking questions and demanding help. Much easier when you’re not alone. The better work places will get at supporting women 🤞. The more the world will benefit from older women not being forced to check out. And then, then the tide turns.
Sorry long response here. Feel passionate about this too x
Thanks for the thoughtful comment, I really appreciate the encouragement. And it also made me reflect on the battles that women who are maybe in the generation above me, or older, have fought in the workplace to get recognised, and how showing a particularly female vulnerability sits uneasily with them because they were in the vanguard without this upswell of openness that we are only just starting to see. Food for thought!
For what it is worth, I wanted to share my experiences with bioidentical hormone replacement therapy! I am in perimenopause too, and I think have been for some time! The medication that I am on for my mental health actually lowers my hormone levels as part of its effect, so in consultation with my amazing family doctor, I decided to go on a relatively low dose of bioidentical estrogen and progesterone! Let me tell you, it has transformed my life for the better! I went from walking up at night 3-4 times a night to sleeping through the night again! My anxiety and depression magically lifted. I feel like my brain is firing on all cylinders again! My joint pain went away, as did my itchy ears! I finally have some libido back after being essentially asexual for years! I feel reborn! I would highly recommend it to you! The book “Estrogen Matters” by two doctors, is very worth reading if you still have fears about hormone replacement therapy, as is the book called “The New Menopause”! Best wishes to you on navigating this transition! 😍😊💕👏🌈
I totally agree with you on all this and will definitely look up the book you mention. I’ve also been on bio-identical HRT for about 18 months now but on the appropriately high dose only since the summer - things are slowly improving and so grateful that my sleep has come back. Hopefully it’s now onwards and up-and-downwards, rather than just downwards!
Wait, itchy ears are a menopause thing?!?
Indeed they are!!! As estrogen declines, it makes our tissues less supple and “juicy”, and that includes our ears, so the result is itchy ears! Mine have finally gone away! I am so grateful!!! Best wishes to you! 😊🙏❤️🌈
Ob I don’t have them (yet hahah), I had just never heard of that one!! Glad you’re in the clear!! ❤️
Well that is a relief to hear! I am happy for you!!! 😃😃😃
Thank you 🙏
I can't help but think that menopausal women in the workforce are treated the same way as other sectors of the population we're uncomfortable with. Companies do the politically correct thing; management says they don't discriminate against seniors, people with mental health problems, gender-fluid people, etc. Many of them do, though, don't they, in subtle, little ways? Maybe they should add menopausal women to that list? Menopause is a natural stage of life for women and society needs to do a better job at understanding this.
Absolutely. It's probably not a coincidence that the senior tier at most workplaces is still male - even if we didn't consider other diversities, just the fact that many women are hit by a massive confidence deficit just when they're peaking in terms of their subject matter expertise, people skills and organisational knowledge disadvantages their prospects.
Thank you so much for writing about this. I feel like I have peri/menopause on my brain most hours of the day, especially when I feel controlled by the hot flashes and sudden mood shifts.
Thanks for your comment and I'm so sorry you're in this crappy club too. Hopefully we can change something, however small, even for ourselves, by at least talking about it.
Perimenopausal women here. I really resonate with what you say about confidence. I act as though I've never had confidence now. It's very strange. It seemed to descend out of nowhere.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way too - at least we’re not alone 🫶🏻 But yeah, I think of my younger self who was very anxious but also sort of fearless despite it, and wonder if that part of me will ever come back.
Thank you so much for sharing this. There is so much comfort in the sharing (imo). This time of life is… well, let’s say my experience is a lot like yours. I’m still trying to find me again. There are glimpses. I’m also especially appreciating the company of my fellow midlife women, who are in the trenches, at the gym, and at work trying to be better through all of this.
Thank you for your kind comment and fellow feeling - really agree with the point of sharing. We’ll find our way back to ourselves but we can’t do it alone.
That colleague is being a little weird I think. I don’t have the same perimenopause symptoms as most of my friends (we’re all in the age bracket) but it never occurred to me they shouldn’t be complaining because that would….. reflect on me somehow?? What a weird idea. I find talking about things is extremely healing, stabilizing and normalizing, and the more things bother me the more I talk about them.